Environment

Putting heating on 'like a bereavement'

TURNING the heating on after the summer is as traumatic as losing a reasonably well-liked relative, it has been claimed.

Plastic bags to carry lewd images

PLASTIC bags are to be printed with lurid sexual imagery in a bid to discourage their use.

More butterflies living long enough to become wasps

WARM weather has helped butterflies complete their life cycle by becoming wasps.

Government publishes latest made-up HS2 figures

THE high speed rail line between London and Birmingham will boost the economy by an enormous made-up number, it has been confirmed.

Advanced wasp civilization trying to communicate with humans

WASPS are desperately trying to share their advanced scientific and philosophical knowledge with humans.

Jesus Christ get it off my face, says scientist

THE scientist who discovered a new ferret-like mammal is pleading with colleagues to somehow get it off his face.

Shitloads of pandas everywhere by 2084

GIANT pandas will become a common pest in the UK as they breed uncontrollably, it has emerged.