Environment

Climate in Paris seemed fine to me, says Trump

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.

Dog struggling to understand concept of dignity

A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.

Temperature perfect for one minute at 9.19am

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.

Tory fears as fox spotted on top of horse

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

Urban foragers say ‘F**k this' and go to Waitrose

A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.

Couple pretending their home is designed around feng shui, not plug sockets

A COUPLE are claiming that their furniture is placed based on Chinese principles of harmonious living, not where the plug sockets are.

Middle-class family tanning absolute fuck out of their National Trust membership

A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute f**king hammering.

Sunny weather fills local park with dickheads

THE recent sunny weather has lead to a sharp increase in dickheads going to the park.