Environment

Urban foragers say ‘F**k this' and go to Waitrose

A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.

Couple pretending their home is designed around feng shui, not plug sockets

A COUPLE are claiming that their furniture is placed based on Chinese principles of harmonious living, not where the plug sockets are.

Middle-class family tanning absolute fuck out of their National Trust membership

A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute f**king hammering.

Sunny weather fills local park with dickheads

THE recent sunny weather has lead to a sharp increase in dickheads going to the park.

Anywhere without ‘No Fly Tipping’ signs fine for fly-tipping

ANY lay-by, alleyway or domestic garden that does not display a ‘No Fly Tipping’ sign is open for fly-tipping, local authorities have confirmed.

Cat self-conscious about hairy ears

A CAT'S confidence is being undermined by protruding ear hair, it has emerged.

Fresh air harmful to Londoners

LONDONERS are against pollution cuts because clean air hurts their poison-adapted lungs, it has emerged.

City twats enjoy week of patronising rural people

A GROUP of hipsters have spent an ironic week in the country laughing at the backwardness of the benighted locals.