SNOW leopards are probably in your house right now, according to wildlife experts.
DIESEL costs more than petrol as punishment for diesel motorists’ uncleanliness, oil companies have admitted.
FOXES who voted Conservative were not expecting the government to start killing them again.
THE sun is shining hard to encourage women into states of undress, it has emerged.
RAIL upgrades will be ditched in favour of putting trains on the backs of lorries, the government has confirmed.
THE SNP is to provide all grouse with sidearms and training before the start of shooting season.
HUMANS will continue posting upbeat sayings on social media until the very last person dies, it has emerged.
EXTREMELY high pollen readings across the UK today will correspond with pollen being sworn at and blamed for everything.