Environment
Ticks struggling with self-esteem
THE majority of ticks have a poor self-image, it has been claimed.
Everything shagging
AS the first weekend of spring begins, the British countryside has come alive with rampant sex.
Hosepipe ban conversation ban
COUNCILS across the south east have introduced a blanket ban on having an opinion about the hosepipe ban.
Hippies banned from Antarctic
EXPERTS have called for hippies to be turned away from Antarctica to stop them ruining it.
Nasty little monkeys do horrible things
BONOBO monkeys are disgusting, according to new research.
UK braced for mediocre weather photography
SNOWY weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.
Decline in marine life possibly due to all the shit in the sea, say experts
THE decline in marine life may in some way be connected to all the shit, piss and bleach pumped in there every single day by everyone in the world, it has been claimed.
Werewolf!
STAY off the moors, yokels have warned.
- The days are getting longer, say cheerful dickheads
- Mild winter brings no moral lesson for lazy grasshopper
- Take Me Out contestants shot dead after escape from holding pen
- Energy costs will only rise by £110 as long as it's really, really windy
- Scientist who discovered secrets of bird erection battling not to have it named after him