Man wakes up on sofa with bag of sweetcorn on head

A MAN has awoken on his sofa with the front and back doors propped open and a formerly frozen bag of sweetcorn on his head.

UK would back full communism if it provided air conditioning

THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.

Britain doing shit it would never do if it wasn't hot

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.

Christ on a bike, it’s boiling though, confirms Britain

BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.

Trump pulls out of 21st century

DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.

Climate in Paris seemed fine to me, says Trump

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.

Dog struggling to understand concept of dignity

A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.

Temperature perfect for one minute at 9.19am

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.