Environment

Dog don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump ’n grind

A TERRIER humping a stranger’s shin has described how his mind is telling him no but his body’s telling him yes.

Woman refuses to accept that her cat is normal

A CAT owner is convinced that her pet is unique.

Volkswagen owners retro-fitted with climate change denial

ELEVEN million VW drivers have been recalled to the factory to be fitted with scepticism about man-made global warming.

Bad weather ends tiresome obligation to act happy

THE end of sunny weather has liberated millions of Britons from having to pretend they are in a good mood.

Weatherman admits he has absolutely no f**king idea anymore

A WEATHER forecaster has admitted he is just wasting his time right now.

Koala doesn’t understand why it can’t be cute and horny at the same time

THE koala that chased a female quad biker believes it is possible to be simultaneously adorable and sexually aroused.

Britain watches torrential rain with deep, primeval satisfaction

BRITAIN is unable to stop watching today’s heavy rain because it touches something deep in the national psyche.

It’s you or us, say giraffes

GIRAFFES have confirmed that they are fuelled by hate and plan to exterminate the human race.