Environment

Budgies demand to be released from weird people’s homes

BUDGERIGARS imprisoned by weirdos around the UK have issued a statement pleading to be set free.

Endangered animals ‘guilty of poor financial planning’

THE loss of two-thirds of the earth’s wild animals in the next four years has been blamed on their refusal to earn and save money.

Big fat cat is totally body-confident

AN OVERWEIGHT cat is not at all self-conscious about it, he has confirmed.

Seagull stands on top of bin and proclaims himself king

A SEAGULL has landed at the summit of a litter bin and proclaimed himself the ruler of all he surveys.

Escaped gorilla is a metaphor for me, say all Londoners

LONDONERS have told the gorilla which tried to escape from London Zoo that it is all of them, and it was doomed from the start.

Bohemian, middle-class household just dirty

A HOUSEHOLD that describes itself as ‘bohemian’ just needs to tidy up and push the hoover round, guests have agreed.

Apes wonder why they haven’t taken over world yet

PRIMATES are unsure why they have yet to take over the planet when humanity is clearly doing such a terrible job.

Hinkley Point nuclear plant to go-ahead because 'it's only near Bristol'

BUILDING a nuclear power station at Hinkley Point is fine because if anything should go wrong it only affects Bristol, it has been confirmed.