BRITAIN has demanded the right to sleep through the winter like a hedgehog.
A CAT is certain that its owners will appreciate having a mauled bird brought into their house.
A LABRADOR is carefully plotting the sleeping spot that will cause maximum annoyance.
CHRISTMAS is once again messing up important occasions like bin day for no good reason, millions of Britons have complained.
THE Met Office has warned that anyone exposed to today's 'blood rain' will turn into a goth.
A DIEHARD global warming sceptic is happy to believe in all the other types of science, it has emerged.
EMERGENCY water conservation measures are being implemented in the South East just to show Northerners how much better it is down there.
BRITAIN might think about constructing proper flood defences, but only if the country is somehow flooded again next year.