Environment

Snowfall in unimportant 70 per cent of country may hit London, forecasters warn

THE SNOW which has covered Scotland, Wales, the North and the Midlands could affect parts of Britain that matter, forecasters have warned.

Coldness confirmed during neighbour climate summit

NEIGHBOURS have confirmed the recent drop in temperature during a top level over-the-fence meeting.

Bronze Age village was furious about Iron Age migrants

THE residents of a Bronze Age village were bitterly opposed to Iron Age migrants from Europe, archaeologists have found.

Britain demands hibernation scheme

BRITAIN has demanded the right to sleep through the winter like a hedgehog.

Cat confident owners are going to love this bird

A CAT is certain that its owners will appreciate having a mauled bird brought into their house.

Dog carefully plans most awkward place to lie

A LABRADOR is carefully plotting the sleeping spot that will cause maximum annoyance.

Christmas f**king with bin day again

CHRISTMAS is once again messing up important occasions like bin day for no good reason, millions of Britons have complained.

Blood rain turns you goth, Met Office warns

THE Met Office has warned that anyone exposed to today's 'blood rain' will turn into a goth.