SUPERFLUOUS wildlife is still hampering vital progress in the logging and fast food industries, it was claimed last night.
GLOBAL warming is probably being caused by ghosts, climate scientists claimed last night.
BEAVERS are to be renamed 'riverdogs' after zoologists finally conceded defeat to the overwhelming forces of sexual innuendo.
SHOPPERS are being offered the chance to use ethical purchases to 'offset' acts of unspeakable foulness.
TREES will not uproot themselves and embark on blood-soaked killing sprees by 2035, global warming experts have admitted.