Save The Planet For Us, Say Selfish, Undeserving Little Turds
MILLIONS of children are urging world leaders to invest in new ways of generating electricity for the mobile phones and games consoles they are glued to every minute of the fucking day.
As the climate change summit kicks off in Copenhagen young people across the globe signed a declaration demanding new forms of sustainable energy otherwise they may be forced to go outside and look at a tree.
Charlie Reeves, 13 from Grantham, said: "Please world leaders, I don't want to be the first generation to skip past some programme on BBC2 about the death of the last polar bear while I'm looking for real life police chases or something about freaks.
"It wasn't my generation that broke the planet. All I've been doing is sitting in front of the television waiting for my mobile phone to charge up so I can talk to my friends about how to get to level six on Assassin's Creed while my dad looks at that meter in the hall cupboard before sticking his head round the living room door and calling me an 'expensive, pointless little shit'."
He added: "I want Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and the Chinese man to promise that whatever they do, they won't force me to remove my precious little head from its bumhole, not even for five minutes."
Environmentalist Dr Tom Logan said: "Copenhagen is not about today, it's about tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. As well as Independence Day and possibly Godzilla.
"It's about saving the planet so that Charlie and all his little friends can one day play Assassin's Creed in 3D that is so convincing they will think the trees are real if they have any idea what real trees look like."
A Downing Street spokesman said the government agreed with whatever it is the children are saying, adding: "Let's just hope that Grantham is still here by the weekend and that Charlie's precious little head hasn't burst like a balloon."