Ticks struggling with self-esteem

THE majority of ticks have a poor self-image, it has been claimed.

I am somebody

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 83% of ticks feel they ‘should be doing something more positive’.

Tick Tom Logan said: “When you’ve just fallen off a dog’s ear and are rolling around on the floor, delirious with warm canine blood, that’s when a nagging sense of doubt creeps in.

“It’s like there’s two sides to me – one is sensitive, intellectual, refined – the other just wants to put its hypostome under a mammal’s epidermis and start sucking until I’m spherical.

“But everyone’s got to eat. The problem is moderation.”

Logan also criticised media portrayal of ticks, especially in posters displayed in vets’ waiting rooms.

Black-legged deer tick Emma Bradford said: “There’s always this voice in the back of your head, going ‘blood, blood, get blood. Then get some more blood.’

“That’s what it is to be a tick. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.

“Yes there have been some issues with Lyme Disease but on the flipside we provide food for birds that are nice to look at. As a tick you deserve your place in the ecology and don’t let people put you down.

“My message to other ticks is play Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us by Starship every day, first thing in the morning. Then go out with your head high and find a bulgy vein on a cat.”