Twenty-Foot Mice Within Ten Years, Say Experts
GLOBAL warming has caused an acceleration in evolution that should see the world overrun by 20ft mice within 10 years, scientists said last night.
Experts at the Institute for Studies said that by 2019 the first wave of giant mice will be kicking down our doors and demanding huge lumps of cheese in terrifying, stentorian voices.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: "We believe that if we accede to their demands the mice will do us no harm. Though they may accidentally chew through a couple of pylons from time to time."
The Institute's projections show that by 2030 the East Midlands will be ruled by a ruthless gang of land-based sticklebacks with a penchant for kneecapping, while rural communities around Totnes in Devon will be fighting a desperate rearguard action against one gigantic moth.
Professor Brubaker said: "Our research shows that warmer temperatures increase evolutionary change. Over the last three years we have discovered that Godzilla was from Japan, not Sweden. And we were also able to prove conclusively that King Kong was captured in the tropics.
"Of course, this also means that colder temperatures mean slower evolution. Get on a train to Aberdeen and then tell me I'm wrong."
The study discovered that certain species of Amazonian parrot had grown by eight percent over the last decade, while one field researcher woke up to find himself surrounded by a gang of six-foot tall dung beetles armed with Word War II rifles.
Professor Brubaker admitted that global warming did pose 'moral dilemmas', adding: "While millions in low-lying areas will drown, those that remain will soon be able to dance and sing with super-intelligent orang-utans. All of us, jungle VIPs."