We don't trust you any more, Britons tell spring

21-03-18

THE UK has told spring that it is nice to see it but after its betrayals they can never truly love it again. 

The season, which was expecting a hero’s welcome, wondered aloud this morning why nobody was looking its blue sky in the eye and its blossom was being steadfastly ignored, and was sat down for a talk. 

Mary Fisher of Hythe said: “Look, there’s no doubt it’s lovely to see you when you’re here. It’s when you’re not here. 

“Twice this month alone I’ve genuinely believed that you were back for good, and twice you’ve just vanished without warning, leaving me sobbing in a thin jacket in sub-zero winds. 

“I put the washing out last week and there was snow on it! Snow! And do you have one word of apology? No, you just swan back all ‘Hey, who likes crocuses?’ 

“I know winter’s not perfect, believe me, but at least he’s reliable. He doesn’t let me down. I’m sorry, but I can’t let myself to be hurt like that again.” 

Spring is thought to have gone to commiserate with summer, which the British public has not spoken to since 2007. 

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