‘We have created monsters’, says shopper looking at Candy Cane flavour crisps

16-11-17

A SHOPPER contemplating the range of new seasonal crisp flavours believes humanity has created the monsters that will be its doom.

Mary Fisher of Northampton stood in the crisp aisle of her local supermarket and felt the dark wings of man’s destruction enfold her as she saw what demons our hubris had wrought.

She said: “When the ruins of our civilisation are excavated, when the riddle of our demise is considered, they will find an empty packet of Tesco Finest Limited Edition Candy Cane crisps and wonder no more.

“And when they unearth M&S Bloody Mary Red, Mackie’s Turkey and Haggis Stuffing, and Tyrrells’ Black Truffle and Sea Salt, they will know we were not stalked by a lone horseman but many. So, so many.

“And we have nobody to blame. When a civilisation creates Salted Caramel & Double Cream Kettle Chips, then it wants and deserves a bloody end.

“Fizz & Sparkle Winter Berries and Prosecco Hand Cooked Crisps, finished with a sprinkle of gold stars. Let them be our epitaph. And our warning.”

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