'C' BRANDED WORLD'S MOST PATHETIC VITAMIN

VITAMIN C has been relegated from the premier league of nutritional compounds after another scathing attack on its performance.

Oranges: pointless, irrelevant, offensive

New research shows that the vitamin, found in citrus fruit, crisps and Bailey's Irish Cream, offers no protection against common ailments such as colds, sniffles, flu, chestiness and demonic possession.

It's the latest blow for the traditional alphabetic vitamins which have toyed with the affections of mankind for over a century.

Last year vitamin B was struck off the vitamin register after attempting to bribe scientists at Cambrige University and vitamin A has seen its market position weaken after it was bought by a private equity firm.

Meanwhile an increasing number of consumers are turning to a new generation of compounds and supplements developed by the the world's biggest brands including Vitamin Coke, Vitamin Beyonce and Vitamin Playstation 3.

Nutrionist Dr Wayne Hayes said: "The latest research proves that Vitamin C is basically useless. You may as well eat coins.

"I'm still a big fan of Vitamins E and K. I'm managing to hold on to most of my hair and the 'old chap' can still do the business at least twice a week."

He added: "I'm not saying you shouldn't eat vitamin C. I'm just saying that if you do, you'll probably die."

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