A Plate Of Cancer Please, Says Britain
BRITAIN sat down this morning and ordered itself a huge plate of fried cancer with mushrooms and baked beans.
The nation's greasy spoons prepared for business as usual as millions chose to ignore the latest sausage and egg-based health warning.
Bill McKay, an electrician from Mansfield, ordered the full English cancer, including two fried cancers, three rashers of early death, the baked beans and a grilled tomato which he did not eat.
He also enjoyed a slice of fried cancer and two pieces of black pudding with extra-fatal carcinogens.
Meanwhile his colleague Stephen Malley ordered a tumour in a bap, a cup of tea with milk and two cancers and a scrambled egg and colonectomy roll to take away.
McKay said: "I'm fully aware that All Bran isn't filled to the brim with cancer. My only problem with it is that it tastes like a horse's arse.
"I suppose I could try putting some All Bran in a roll, with maybe a fried egg and just the one bit of black pudding.
"How many more years does that get me?"