BRITAIN SETTLES FOR BAD TEETH

BRITAIN has given up on dental appointments and decided to settle for having quite bad teeth, according to a new report.

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In the past decade NHS dental reforms have turned British teeth from their traditional beige to a deep brown, while the nation’s breath is now at its worst since the Crimean War.

With most dentists now ex-directory the NHS is recommending anyone suffering extreme decay to go out into the street and start a fight with a drunken tramp.

Wayne Hayes, a botox salesman, said: "I now have an appointment with an NHS dentist. It's not for another 45 years, but I will be allowed to pass it on to my kids."

He added: "I tried to sign on with a private one but he told me to come back when he needed a new roof for his farmhouse in the Dordogne. Anyway, I really like soup."

Tourism information officer Bill Mckay said his dog Tina would no longer kiss him because his breath was so bad, while Nikki Hollis, a trainee beautician, said her boyfriend really liked her new toothless look.

She said: "He’s been pestering me for years to have them taken out. It’s nothing to do with oral sex. He just likes women without teeth."

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