Britain Signs Up For Vorderman's 28-Day Piss-Drink Detox
AS millions of Britons begin their New Year detox, a record number of health conscious consumers are signing up for a month-long regime of drinking their own urine.
Despite absurd claims by underqualified foreign doctors that piss-drink detox diets have no effect, Carol Vorderman's 28-Day Piss-Drink Detox™ looks set for another record breaking year.
The Vorderman plan, priced at £112.40, is now the most successful in a long list of celebrity piss-drink regimes, including the Tony Benn Way®, Danni Minogue's Magic Bottle™ and Sting and Trudi's Rainforest Piss Festival®.
Under the Vorderman detox, you can eat a normal daily diet of chocolate and pork. But instead of coffee, alcohol or a soft drink, you force down a pint of your own juice.
For an extra £129.50, well-heeled consumers can upgrade to the Platinum Club™ giving them access to the exclusive Vorderman Piss Vaults®.
A spokesman for Vorderman Industries™ said: "Carol has been storing her urine in one gallon demi-johns since the late Nineties.
"In fact, we now have 57 air-conditioned Portacabins™ sitting in an industrial estate in Macclesfield, stuffed full of Carol's golden fluids."
Platinum Club™ members will receive a one-litre bottle of Vorderman piss which they should use to top-up their own three or four times a day.
The spokesman added: "Carol Vorderman's 28-Day Piss-Drink Detox™ not only helps those who desperately need to drink piss for about a month, it's also a tremendous boost to Carol's ongoing appeal for £50 notes."