Britain To Become Nation Of Sponge Eaters

BRITAIN is set to become a nation of sponge eaters after reading the first two paragraphs of a story about cancer.

Oooh, that looks like a nice one

The story may have mentioned how cancer could be cured using a bath or kitchen sponge and so now Britain is planning to eat sponges at least six times day.

As scientists warned there was a bit more to it than that, Britain insisted that they had said sponges and couldn’t just go changing their minds whenever they felt like it.

Emma Bradford, from Stevenage, said: “I read you had to swallow a sponge on a piece of string. I’ve always thought sponges looked quite tasty, but I don’t know if I want to eat the string.

“The first two paragraphs didn’t say whether or not I could use garden twine coated in salad cream instead, so I’m going to give it a try.”

Roy Hobbs, from Durham added; “The second paragraph said it collects cancer from your stomach. So I assume sponge-eating will also work on the lungs, the kidneys and my horribly misshapen balls.”

And Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, said: “I only read half of the first sentence but I knew they didn’t mean Victoria sponges because I’d already seen an article in the Daily Mail about how Victoria sponges give you cancer.

“Then again it might have been Victoria Wood. I didn’t read the whole thing.”