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BRITAIN URGED TO USE A F*CKING HANKY |
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AS cold and flu season takes hold across the nation millions of sufferers have been told to use a hanky or just fuck right off.
 I hope it fucking kills you
Wayne Hayes, deputy director of the Health and Safety Executive, said: "You may think it's not your fault that you've got a cold, but it is. So - for the love of God - just buy a packet of FUCKING HANKIES.
"As you sit there sniffing all day, you're not just dripping germs, you're making everyone hate you.
"They no longer see you as simply a colleague with a cold - you have now replaced Edmonds in their darkest, most violent torture fantasies.
"Didn't you wonder why nobody would go for drink with you until April? It took them that long to get over your spastic performance from last winter.
"Don't get me wrong. You're allowed to blow your nose as often as it takes. I can live with that. We can all live with that.
"But here's the thing: You can only blow your nose if you get off your pathetic, under-qualified, shit-at-your-job arse and BUY SOME FUCKING HANKIES, YOU TWAT."
Hayes added: "Wandering about the office all day with that sorry fucking look on your face. Sniff, sniff, sniff. Just fuck off, you total bastard."
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