CILLIT BANG TO RUN NHS

POWERFUL household cleaner Cillit Bang has been awarded a five year contract to run the National Health Service.

The popular brand was chosen by ministers after an exhaustive year-long search.

Julian Cook, the civil servant who led the project, said: "We spoke to health ministers throughout the UK about how we were going to

Waiting times CUT!

manage the NHS and they all told us the same thing: We don't care what it is as long as it works.

"With that in mind we asked business leaders, academics and, most importantly, consumers and a huge number recommended Cillit Bang.

"WD40 and Fairy Liquid also proved popular but in the end people were just really excited about Cillit Bang."

Government sources say that if Cillit Bang achieves its performance targets it could then be brought in to run the police, the legal aid system and the BBC.

Mr Cook added: "We know that as a household cleaning product it does not have much experience when it comes to running a complex organisation employing more than 1.3 million people, but have you seen what this thing can do to a ceramic hob?"

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