|
DAILY MAIL READERS BEING FED THROUGH A TUBE |
|
|
|
06-01-10 |
|
A GROWING number of Daily Mail readers are being fed through a tube to save money, doctors claimed last night.
 The Mail's Peter Hitchens says if everyone was fed through a tube there wouldn't be any witchcraft
The RCP said a typical Daily Mail reader will sit in their chair with a copy of the paper for the entire day, grabbing anyone who walks past and then making them stand there while they read out a Melanie Phillips column about how the BBC is using the latest series of Spooks to impregnate millions of teenage boys.
Assistant director Dr Julian Cook added: "There's no time for them to eat, but instead of paying some ex-soldiers to wrestle the paper from their hands, a lot of carers just fill a plastic bag with mashed peas and chicken and punch a hole in their abdominal wall.
"I understand the motivation. If you have a Daily Mail reader in your house then the chances are you desperately want to inflict a two inch wound in their stomach and wait till it goes septic.
"But wouldn't it be much easier to poison them with a nice cup of hot Ribena or, failing that, just leave them in the middle of a very busy main road?
"Who knows, you might be lucky and they'll be run over by a convoy of Bosnian gypsies or a woman who's had an abortion and now runs her own business."
But Helen Archer, who cares for a Daily Mail reader in Grantham, said: "It's got nothing to do with saving money. I feed my Daily Mail reader with a tube because he insists that all food tastes foreign.
"The last thing you want is Daily Mail reader vomit all over your rug and a three hour lecture about how Pakistanis are genetically incapable of deep frying a potato."
|
