the dailymash

Even the warning signs are hilarious

During the cold snap, over 5,000 people have been admitted to hospital after slipping and falling, often like twats.

Many of them flailed their arms around pointlessly as they fell, desperately trying to clutch onto something that simply isn’t there while silently mouthing the word ‘fuck’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “These lingering ice patches have caused more, and funnier, falls than in any November since records began.

“Among the types of fall proving particularly entertaining is the one where an authority figure, typically a teacher or parent, issues a stern warning about being careful and sensible and then immediately stacks it really hard, possibly fracturing their arm.

“Also good value is any fall after which the victim becomes gripped with impotent rage and shakes their fist either at the people watching them and laughing or simply at the sky, as if remonstrating with god.”

He added: “However old people falling over and hurting themselves isn’t funny. Unless they’re a bit racist.”

The funniest ice-related fall on record took place in 1946, involving pompous overweight mayor Roy Hobbs.

After slipping on black ice but somehow staying on his feet, Hobbs then skidded backwards down the entire length of the high street with a pleading look on his face, grabbing onto a sequence of increasingly comedic objects as he did so, including a horse’s nose, a child’s toffee apple and the breast of an elderly nun.

However, he was unable to gain sufficient purchase to stop his descent and, according to eyewitnesses, must have been going at least 50 miles an hour when he hit the side of a barn, breaking his pelvis in 14 places.