Doctors to strike over ban on urine extraction
DOCTORS are to strike after the government banned their right to continually demand urine from their patients.
The British Medical Association insisted it was a fundamental duty of general practitioners to tell patients to bring in some urine that the GP then puts in the boot of his Jaguar, before taking it home and storing in the attic of his gigantic house.
A spokesman said: “Those patients who then turn up the following week and ask for the result of their urine test do not really understand how the healthcare system works.
“We have no interest in the properties of the urine, we just want to take it.”
Dr Nathan Muir, a GP who collects more than 100,000 litres of urine a year, said: “I sell it back to the government under the 2003 agreement which states they have to give me at least 50 pence for every jar.
“And of course, I also sell them my own urine. Otherwise I would just be flushing money straight down the toilet. And I’m not trained to do that.”
Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, said: “Every time I go to the doctor he wants more and more urine.
“I tell him that my pipework is getting to old to cope with all this, but then he holds up a death certificate with my name on it and just says ‘piss into this cup, old woman’.”
Dr Muir added: “Sometimes a sample will look a bit suspect but I always make a point of telling the patient to look it up on the internet.
“If I happen to bump into them.”