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	<title>The Daily Mash &#187; Health</title>
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		<item>
		<title>Doctors&#8217; receptionists urged to be less terrifying</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/doctors-receptionists-urged-to-be-less-terrifying-2013052169499</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 07:37:15 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[PATIENTS have asked doctors' receptionists if they can please stop looking at them like that.]]></description>
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		<title>Britain welcomes wheat shortage</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/britain-welcomes-wheat-shortage-2013042666891</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:05:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=66891</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A WHEAT shortage has left Britons delighted at not having to eat boring things. Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “We normally have toast for breakfast or Shredded Wheat, even though it tastes like baked string. “But this morning we all just had a delicious bowl of sugar and a few slices of butter.&#8221; Office worker Donna [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Britain faces exploding chin epidemic</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/britain-faces-exploding-chin-epidemic-2013042466581</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:24:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=66581</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[YOU will not be able to walk down the street without some woman&#8217;s botoxed chin exploding all over you. Experts have warned that the increase in cosmetic surgery will lead to an epidemic of faces that look like they are either melting or being dismantled by a gang of cockney builders. Julian Cook, Professor of [...]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Organs really up for being donated</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/organs-really-up-for-being-donated-2013041165349</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Apr 2013 08:00:39 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[BRITAIN'S organs are very much in favour of being donated.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Why was corned beef being sold to anyone?</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/why-was-corned-beef-being-sold-to-anyone-2013041065228</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Apr 2013 07:25:31 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=65228</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[CONSUMERS have demanded to know why corned beef is available.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Nurses to be trained in nursing</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/nurses-to-be-trained-in-nursing-2013032663933</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Mar 2013 11:31:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=63933</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[NURSES will be trained to do other things instead of just looking busy and pretending to be doctors.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>More ambulances used for hipster art than conveying sick people</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/more-ambulances-used-for-hipster-art-than-conveying-sick-people-2013032263505</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:18:52 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=63505</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Maybe fill-in the &#8216;black death pit&#8217;, says everyone</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/maybe-fill-in-the-black-death-pit-says-everyone-2013031562916</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:14:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=62916</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[IT might be an idea to fill-in a big hole full of black death victims as quickly as possible, it has been suggested.]]></description>
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		<title>Shit-faced Theresa May in minimum price revolt</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/shit-faced-theresa-may-in-minimum-price-revolt-2013031362528</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Mar 2013 09:00:38 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[DAVID Cameron has ditched plans for minimum alcohol pricing after a revolt by the Cabinet's problem drinkers.]]></description>
		</item>
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		<title>I am the greatest thing of all time, says bacon</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/i-am-the-greatest-thing-of-all-time-says-bacon-2013030761993</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:29:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61993</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its bitch.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>UK health record paves way for new round of bothering you</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/uk-health-record-paves-way-for-new-round-of-bothering-you-2013030561827</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Mar 2013 10:56:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61827</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[THE UK's health record will lead to a new era in being bothered constantly.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Both ends, says Queen</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/both-ends-says-queen-2013030461617</link>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Mar 2013 09:17:38 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[IT is literally exploding out of both ends, Buckingham Palace has announced.]]></description>
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		<title>Febreze ads trigger hepatitis epidemic</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/febreze-ads-trigger-hepatitis-epidemic-2013030161472</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:22:43 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61472</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ADVERTS for Febreze 'fabric refresher' have caused numerous cases of hepatitis.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Everything to be labelled with terrifying images of death</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/everything-to-be-labelled-with-terrifying-images-of-death-2013021960223</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Feb 2013 08:52:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=60223</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ALL products will soon feature graphic imagery illustrating how they might kill you.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Fat people should be &#8216;encouraged&#8217; to hate themselves, say doctors</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/fat-people-should-be-encouraged-to-hate-themselves-say-doctors-2013021860110</link>
		<pubDate>Mon, 18 Feb 2013 10:03:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[DOCTORS have called for a new approach to obesity which gently encourages overweight people to despise the very idea of themselves.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Horsemeat: French finally blamed</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/horsemeat-french-finally-blamed-2013021559853</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Feb 2013 08:43:38 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=59853</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[AN inquiry has been launched into why it has taken a month to blame the horsemeat scandal on the French.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Exercise is hilarious, says Death</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/exercise-is-hilarious-says-death-2013021459839</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Feb 2013 11:55:53 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=59839</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[DEATH finds the human obsession with exercise highly amusing, it has emerged. Death said: &#8220;All this chitter chatter about low-impact, high-impact, yadda yadda. &#8220;I&#8217;ll get you all just the same. &#8220;Seeing you in your gymnasiums bouncing along on those machines, how stupid you look. &#8220;Ha ha ha.&#8221;]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Horse &#8216;basically a tall cow&#8217;</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/horse-basically-a-tall-cow-2013021359586</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Feb 2013 09:17:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=59586</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A HORSE is really just a cow with elongated legs, it has emerged. The government has issued households with horse photographs after realising most people didn&#8217;t know what one looked like. 36-year-old Tom Booker said: &#8220;I&#8217;m more into telly about trucks on icy roads so I&#8217;d never actually seen a so-called &#8216;horse&#8217;. &#8220;I had been [...]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>You&#8217;re on your own, says Food Standards Agency</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/youre-on-your-own-says-food-standards-agency-2013020859034</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Feb 2013 09:14:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=59034</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[THE Food Standards Agency last night admitted there is nothing more it can do.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Households offered poisoned water</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/households-offered-poisoned-water-2013020658742</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 06 Feb 2013 09:19:12 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE UK’s water companies have announced plans for a two-tier water supply, comprising poisoned water and more expensive water that is safe to drink.]]></description>
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