Government Finally Agrees To Stop People Going Blind

THE department of health last night grudgingly agreed to stop people going blind for no reason.

Not a dog

Government advisers the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) have approved the drug Lucentis for patients who have either fallen down a manhole or been attacked by a tiger that they thought was a dog.

A NICE spokesman said: "Alright you can have it, but I'll tell you what, you better be pretty fucking blind.

"If I see you playing darts or doing really detailed embroidery, being blind will seem like a fucking picnic."

Tom Logan, a GP from Oxford, said: "How blind are you? Yeah, that doesn't sound very blind to me. Exactly how often are you falling over, knocking yourself unconscious and then lying there for days?

"Yes, I know you'd like to be able to see your grandchildren but you'll soon realise that feeling your way around their happy little faces is just as rewarding."

He added: "I think it's best that we wait until you're standing in the middle of a busy road not knowing what to do next."

Roy Hobbs, a recently blind person, said: "In my experience NICE aren't really very nice at all.

"They should change their name to the Clinical Unit for Not Treating the Sick."