Government Finally Agrees To Stop People Going Blind
THE department of health last night grudgingly agreed to stop people going blind for no reason.
Government advisers the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) have approved the drug Lucentis for patients who have either fallen down a manhole or been attacked by a tiger that they thought was a dog.
A NICE spokesman said: "Alright you can have it, but I'll tell you what, you better be pretty fucking blind.
"If I see you playing darts or doing really detailed embroidery, being blind will seem like a fucking picnic."
Tom Logan, a GP from Oxford, said: "How blind are you? Yeah, that doesn't sound very blind to me. Exactly how often are you falling over, knocking yourself unconscious and then lying there for days?
"Yes, I know you'd like to be able to see your grandchildren but you'll soon realise that feeling your way around their happy little faces is just as rewarding."
He added: "I think it's best that we wait until you're standing in the middle of a busy road not knowing what to do next."
Roy Hobbs, a recently blind person, said: "In my experience NICE aren't really very nice at all.
"They should change their name to the Clinical Unit for Not Treating the Sick."