Highlight of non-drinker’s life is soup

A NON-DRINKER’S most enjoyable sensory experience is a bowl of soup, he has revealed.

Office worker Tom Logan’s dislike of alcohol, coupled with his lack of a sexual partner or interest in drugs, means his main source of pleasure is his favourite food, soup.

Logan said: “Obviously soup doesn’t give you a buzz like alcohol or help you get chatting to women. But that doesn’t really matter if you’re at home on your own.

“Soup has numerous advantages over alcohol, such as no hangovers or liver damage, although I’ve had to start hitting the gym after putting on some serious weight from the croutons.

“With all the money I’m saving I’ve started exploring fine soups like Waitrose Beef and Port. I’ve got quite a ‘soup cellar’.

“I did try going to the pub with friends and ordering soup instead of a pint, but people think you’re a weirdo and you feel pretty nauseous by the fifth or sixth round.

“I’ll definitely be sticking with soup though. My only concern is that I become incredibly tense and my hands start to shake if I go too long without a bowl.”