Immigration Laws Fuelling Rise In Insane Brain Surgeons
MORE than half the foreign surgeons allowed into the UK are insane and intent on undertaking crazy brain-swapping experiments, it has emerged.
Home Office research has found that most doctors granted residency under laws designed to encourage medical professionals into the country are demented in an evil way.
According to department of health officials they are concerned only with perverting the rules of nature in the most horrific ways imaginable, generally to gain some sort of power over humanity or God.
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford became concerned after her husband went in for a routine operation, only to emerge with his brain transplanted into the body of a gibbon.
She said: “It’s either unforgivable negligence or the Eastern European doctor was hell-bent on creating an army of man-monkey hybrids.
“Either way it’s put an intolerable strain on our marriage. Not only is it costing us a fortune in fruit but my husband has lice and keeps pulling windscreen wipers off of cars.”
A senior source said: “Many of these supposedly highly-skilled individuals are clearly evil. They don’t even have first names, and sign themselves ‘Doctor Orloff’ or ‘Professor Skull’.
“Some of them even wanted visas for their henchmen who would then claim disability allowance because of their hunchbacks.”
Dr Tom Logan, a GP from Hitchin, said: “There are a lot of insane doctors coming over, but you have to remember that they are also geniuses. The two things do seem to go hand in hand.
“My Ukrainian colleague Doctor Von De’Ath has, in his front room, a choir that consists of 22 severed heads, animated by massive bursts of electricity and child blood.
“Surely we can put that to good use?”