Jodie Marsh, Women Warned
AS the rate of skin cancer increases amongst young women, doctors have called for a nationwide information campaign starring creosoted glamour model Jodie Marsh.
The British Medical Association said excessive sun bed use and falling into drunken stupors by the pool in Magaluf had led to a 45% increase in girls looking like Oompa Loompas in high heels.
A spokesman said: "It starts out with first-degree burns and melanomas the size of walnut whips, but if it's not caught in time it can rapidly deteriorate into hair extensions, trashy tattoos and an addiction to footballer's cock."
Salons have been criticised for encouraging overtanning, with one Knutsford shop offering Britain's first 'Doner Tan'.
For £30 a session, customers are strapped to a revolving spit alongside a high-powered tanning bulb while a Bulgarian on minumun wage bastes them with peanut oil using a stirrup pump and a hose.
Meanwhile experts have dubbed the new phenomenon 'Binge-Tanning' in a bid to blame the trend on a complex mixture of conditioning and social pressure, rather than stupidity.
Psychologist Dr Nathan Muir said: "By labelling this syndrome we can achieve not only expensive therapy sessions but also a range of pointless self-help books."
A spokeswoman for the British Skin Foundation, said: "Tanned skin is in fashion at the moment so one can only hope in 10 year's time there's a fashion for having a face like a wicket-keeper's glove."