Male Sex Addicts Cured By 'Mamma Mia!'
MALE sex addicts are being cured of their impulsive desire for women by watching the smash hit musical Mamma Mia!
Married men who are wealthy or attractive enough to be promiscuous but then get caught have been checking into a clinic where they are strapped to a chair and have their eyelids pinned open with bulldog clips before sitting through the 108 minute film.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "When it's finished we wait until their breathing has returned to normal and then tell them that all woman love that film.
"After leaving the room they are unable to look at a woman and even the faintest whiff of perfume is enough to make them vomit."
He added: "For someone with a particularly strong addiction we start them off in WH Smith gazing at the row upon row of dead trees that have been used to tell women that a small group of no-talent skanks will get through whatever mildly stressful situation they are currently experiencing."
Addict Julian Cook said: "The first 20 minutes or so weren't too bad as I've always secretly liked a bit of Abba. But as the film progressed into increasingly raucous scenes of dancing, yelping and general female wish fulfilment, I was seized by a terrible headache, like the menopause was somehow getting in through my eyes and squashing my brain.
"Meanwhile, as I'm starting to hyperventilate, the female technicians were standing around drinking cheap fizzy wine, singing along at an unbelievable volume and cackling at each other like idiot witches in too much make-up."
He added: "Since leaving the clinic, I have been utterly terrified of vagina owners and indeed anything remotely feminine.
"I could possibly have sex with Jason Donovan, but that's about it."