Man using ‘We’re pregnant’ as excuse to be a lazy arse

AN EXPECTANT father is using it as an excuse to get out of doing anything he can not be bothered to do, friends have confirmed.

Tom Booker, aged 34, has so far employed ‘I would, but we’re pregnant’ to get out of helping his dad clean gutters, a team-building day at work, a Mogwai gig and shopping for a pram.

Partner Nikki Hollis said: “Tom’s saying ‘we’re pregnant’ in a very supportive, feminist way that can’t be challenged, which is why it’s the perfect excuse for being a selfish bastard.

“If he was spending his time painting the nursery it’d be fine, but he can’t because he’s ‘worried about the toxic paint fumes’ and ‘really needs to complete Super Mario Odyssey before the baby arrives’.

“He’s not the one who’s preparing to do the equivalent of shitting a pumpkin and apparently ‘we’re pregnant’ doesn’t stop him necking four bottles of BrewDog every night.

“Just wait until he’s knee deep in gore in that delivery room. Then we’ll see who’s pregnant.”