Most people still think organs might be handy after death

THE majority of potential organ donors would prefer to keep hold of their body parts until they are fully decomposed, just in case.

Apparently this doesn't hurt of you're dead

In response to the ongoing organ shortfall the government is considering plans to offer free funerals to deceased donors, including up to four hymns and quality post-service nibbles at the local Beefeater.

However, a survey has found that 84 per cent of Britons believe it sensible to hang onto their vital organs until they are fully liquefied.

Martin Bishop, an engineer fropm Peterborough, said: “I won’t be using my liver once I’m in the ground, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop wanting it.

“Firstly, it’s mine. Second, I’m slightly angry about being reminded of my own mortality. Thirdly, what if I am accidentally declared dead while actually in a strange catatonic state?

“That happens a lot in Edgar Allen Poe stories, and also in real life.

“Then I’d need my body intact so that I could wake up screaming in a coffin, clawing hopelessly at the wood until I finally run out of oxygen.”

Nurse Emma Bradford said: “Despite being ostensibly a rational atheist, when I think about organ donation I can’t shake a nagging feeling that the human soul resides in the liver.”

She added: “Also, given the state of the ecomomy, if a latter-day Burke and Hare went to all the trouble of digging up my mortal remains for sale on the black market, I wouldn’t want them to be disappointed.”