FATNESS is contagious and can be caught from contaminated cakes, buns and sausages, according to new research.
Biologists at Dundee University have discovered that many foods are filled with fat germs that can be passed on to unsuspecting humans.
Once infected a fat person can then pass their fat germs on to thin people by coughing, sneezing, touching and licking.
Project leader Dr Henry Brubaker said: "If you know a fat person, the chances are they are teeming with microscopic fatness.
"Unless they wash their hands or use a hanky you too could become chunky within hours. And without antibiotics you will soon turn into a big fat pig."
Describing chocolate chip cookies as the "new mosquitoes" Dr Brubaker added: "We believe the time is right for fat people to be quarantined. What about cramming them into disused churches?
"If they do have to venture outside they should be confined to plastic bubbles. Perhaps their friends could volunteer to roll them down the street."
