Obeying Chris Moyles Now Number One Cause Of Hospital Admissions
DOING everything Chris Moyles tells you to do is now the UK's biggest cause of accident and emergency cases.
The department of health said obeying Chris Moyles has overtaken obeying Richard Bacon as the number one cause of bumps and bruises, projectile vomiting and advanced liver disease.
Ministers are now planning a £25 million campaign designed to encourage young people not to let Chris Moyles dictate absolutely every aspect of their lives.
Public health minister Dawn Primarolo said: "Right now millions of young people are sitting by their radio sets, waiting for their instructions.
"When faced with the choice of heavy drinking or a night in with the boxed set of Keeping Up Appearances, too many young people still ask themselves 'what would Chris Moyles do?'.
"We have asked Mr Moyles to use his future transmissions to encourage young people to consume jasmine tea and spend their weekends orienteering in the Peak District."
She added: "When I was a boy everyone obeyed Dave Lee Travis and Mike Read.
"It was a happier, gentler time filled with beards and poetry and not listening to dirty songs about ejaculation."