Health

Daily Mail ready to impregnate you

THE DAILY Mail has assured its female readers that it will make them pregnant if they are still childless by 35.

Do not photograph more than four eggs per day, say experts

TAKING Instagram egg photos can trigger insanity, it has emerged.

Jail term for spinning really fast on office chair

PEOPLE who use a swivel chair to make themselves dizzy face up to three years in prison.

That’s how teeth are supposed to look, says Britain

BRITAIN’S teeth are imperfect because they have not had lots of weird, expensive shit done to them, it has been confirmed.

Running addicts warned not to try anything pleasant

IF you can get addicted to something as awful as running you should definitely not try cocaine, according to experts.

NHS gone

BRITAIN has woken up to find the National Health Service replaced by signs promising that an exciting new health provider is coming soon.

Men’s Health magazine finally puts a gorilla on the cover

MUSCLE-BASED periodical Men’s Health has unveiled its first ever cover gorilla.

Energy drinks recommended as part of an unhealthy lifestyle

ENERGY drinks are the perfect complement to partying too much and eating ready meals, according to medical experts.