HUGE amounts of cocaine are being added to the water supply in a bid to make the population more productive.
'HARMLESS' tobacco products are never revealed to be bad for users, according to electronic cigarette makers.
CHILDREN of twee parents risk tasting refined sugar for the first time as Britain is hit by a mango shortage.
FORMER homeopathic doctors are offering a new treatment where patients smoke a lot of cigarettes.
WAITROSE cafe customers have fallen ill after drinking coffee contaminated with bourgeois values.
THE NHS is to ease the rules on liver transplants so that Britain will still have enough people.
ANTI-SMOKING campaigners have called for a ban on anything that can be sucked.
FOOD scientists have turned nutrition on its head by claiming that eating vegetables may be a good idea.