Health

Helpful scientists reveal perfect number of cigarettes

SCIENTISTS have helpfully revealed the number of risk-free cigarettes you can smoke every week.

Put cancer in e-cigarettes, say non-smokers

NON-SMOKERS would prefer electronic cigarettes to be fatal, it has emerged.

Massage is the most stressful experience

MASSAGES are the opposite of soothing, it has emerged.

Single people sick of being told sex is good for them

PEOPLE who are not getting any sex are tired of hearing about the health benefits of lovemaking.

Single hit of heroin contains six spoons of sugar

HEALTH watchdogs have warned heroin addicts that they are risking their lives by consuming up to eighteen spoonfuls of sugar a day.

Peanut-allergic people have to find something else to go on about

A POSSIBLE cure for peanut allergy means sufferers may have to talk about something else for a change.

Bieber exporters ban sugary, chemical-filled concoction

THE country which exports Bieber has banned an artificially sweetened concoction filled with mood-altering chemicals.

Wolf Hall making gout fashionable

HILARY Mantel's popular book Wolf Hall has made gout the must-have middle class illness, it has been claimed.