Internet to cover for junior doctors during strike

ANYONE feeling ill during the doctors’ strike has been advised to just look it up on a computer.

Single people avoid all that kale bullshit, say experts

SINGLE people prefer to avoid kale and other bullshit vegetables, according to a new study.

Ex-raver dad delivers unconvincing drugs chat

A FATHER who used to take loads of Ecstasy has warned his teenage son of the perils of drugs.

Hospital parking charges 'fair because most people just go there for a laugh'

MOST people who go to hospitals do so purely for fun, it has been claimed.

It wasn’t worth it, says 103-year-old vegetarian

A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged.

Former heroin addict sick of people asking him if it feels nice

A FORMER heroin addict has revealed that he is tired of people asking him what the drug feels like.

Cure for sick hamster is new hamster, vet tells child

A CHILD has been told the only cure for her hamster's illness is to surgically remove it and replace it with a healthy one.

Cigarettes not harmful if someone else bought them

CIGARETTES only damage your health if you paid for them, it has been confirmed.