Health

Nurses to be trained in nursing

NURSES will be trained to do other things instead of just looking busy and pretending to be doctors.

More ambulances used for hipster art than conveying sick people

EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects.

Maybe fill-in the 'black death pit', says everyone

IT might be an idea to fill-in a big hole full of plague victims as quickly as possible, it has been suggested.

Shit-faced Theresa May in minimum price revolt

DAVID Cameron has ditched plans for minimum alcohol pricing after a revolt by the Cabinet's problem drinkers.

I am the greatest thing of all time, says bacon

BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its bitch.

UK health record paves way for new round of bothering you

THE UK's health record will lead to a new era in being bothered constantly.

Both ends, says Queen

IT is literally exploding out of both ends, Buckingham Palace has announced.

Febreze ads trigger hepatitis epidemic

ADVERTS for Febreze 'fabric refresher' have caused numerous cases of hepatitis.