Christmas jumpers contain dangerous levels of irony

CONSUMERS have been warned about fashionable 'bad jumpers' which contain too many layers of irony.

Fags good for you after all, say doctors

CIGARETTES are a health boon, according to doctors.

Pulled pork 'does not make you more manly'

FASHIONABLE meat meals like pulled pork, steaks and 'barbecue' do not confer manly qualities, it has emerged.

A & E introduces leech tier

A & E DEPARTMENTS are to offer an 'express tier' of medieval-style leech treatment.

Healthy breakfast eater’s life still shit

OFFICE worker Tom Logan’s life is still shit despite him eating a nutritious breakfast every day.

Cold carriers face legal action

ANYONE catching a cold can sue the person who gave it to them, according to an EU ruling.

Only unappealing 'own brand' fizzy drinks allowed on sale

FIZZY drinks must be drab 'own brand' versions, under new plans to cut child obesity.

'Trick or treat' supplies already eaten

BRITONS have already eaten the massive amount of sweets they ostensibly bought for trick or treaters.