Health

Public Must Choose Between Cure For Cancer And Invisibility Cloak

SCIENCE cannot defeat cancer and produce a magical see-through space coat, experts have warned.

Immigration Laws Fuelling Rise In Insane Brain Surgeons

MORE than half the foreign surgeons allowed into the UK are insane and intent on undertaking crazy brain-swapping experiments, it has emerged.

Frigid Lesbianism Caused By Brain Defect

WOMEN who don't like having sex with men have something wrong with their brains, a new study has finally proved beyond doubt.

Britain To Become Nation Of Sponge Eaters

BRITAIN is set to become a nation of sponge eaters after reading the first two paragraphs of a story about cancer.

Chop-Chop, Scientists Tell Women

BEATING cancer involves less chatty and more cooky, according to new research.

Wetherspoons To Open In A&E

PUB chain Wetherspoons is to open outlets in accident and emergency departments for injured brawlers who want another drink.

80% Of NHS Time Spent Cleaving Lard From Fat Ladies

THE National Health Service is now mainly employed as a device for extracting fat from chocoholics, experts have claimed.

Thousands Of Doctors Prescribing Jesus

CHRISTIAN doctors are regularly sending patients home with a course of Testament, according to new research.