Health

Frigid Lesbianism Caused By Brain Defect

WOMEN who don't like having sex with men have something wrong with their brains, a new study has finally proved beyond doubt.

Britain To Become Nation Of Sponge Eaters

BRITAIN is set to become a nation of sponge eaters after reading the first two paragraphs of a story about cancer.

Chop-Chop, Scientists Tell Women

BEATING cancer involves less chatty and more cooky, according to new research.

Wetherspoons To Open In A&E

PUB chain Wetherspoons is to open outlets in accident and emergency departments for injured brawlers who want another drink.

80% Of NHS Time Spent Cleaving Lard From Fat Ladies

THE National Health Service is now mainly employed as a device for extracting fat from chocoholics, experts have claimed.

Thousands Of Doctors Prescribing Jesus

CHRISTIAN doctors are regularly sending patients home with a course of Testament, according to new research.

Schafernaker 'Lucky He Didn't Put His Eye Out' Say Opticians

EXPERTS have issued new guidelines for live TV gaffe recovery after Tomasz Schafernaker almost took his eye out with an emergency middle finger retraction.

Legalise drugs, says some crazy President of the Royal College of Physicians

THE campaign to legalise drugs was today backed by someone whose only qualification is to know exactly what he is talking about.