SMOKERS are to be forced to walk around wearing their lungs on their head, under tough new government rules.
WOMEN who want to redesign their front bottom were last night reminded that it's not actually a kitchen.
SLEEPING next to 18 stone of relentlessly guffing middle-aged water buffalo can cause nightmares, research suggests.
THE greatest experiment in the history of physics will begin this morning, followed shortly after by your horrifyingly painful death.
RUBBING your groin and inner thigh while staring at women makes you more sexually attractive, according to a new study.
DOING everything Chris Moyles tells you to do is now the UK's biggest cause of accident and emergency cases.
X-FILES star David Duchovny last night became the latest Hollywood star to have sex with countless women and then claim he was not right in the head.
BRITAIN sat down this morning and ordered itself a huge plate of fried cancer with mushrooms and baked beans.