Health

Wetherspoons To Open In A&E

PUB chain Wetherspoons is to open outlets in accident and emergency departments for injured brawlers who want another drink.

80% Of NHS Time Spent Cleaving Lard From Fat Ladies

THE National Health Service is now mainly employed as a device for extracting fat from chocoholics, experts have claimed.

Thousands Of Doctors Prescribing Jesus

CHRISTIAN doctors are regularly sending patients home with a course of Testament, according to new research.

Schafernaker 'Lucky He Didn't Put His Eye Out' Say Opticians

EXPERTS have issued new guidelines for live TV gaffe recovery after Tomasz Schafernaker almost took his eye out with an emergency middle finger retraction.

Legalise drugs, says some crazy President of the Royal College of Physicians

THE campaign to legalise drugs was today backed by someone whose only qualification is to know exactly what he is talking about.

New Superbug Is Foreign As Well

THE deadly new superbug that is going kill you by Friday is not even British, it emerged last night.

You First, Men Tell Bundchen

GISELE Bundchen has been urged to boost her breastfeeding campaign by coming to people's houses and showing them how it's done.

Doctors Call For End To NHS Witch-Bobbing

FUNDING for crone divination should be scrapped, the British Medical Council said last night.