Health
Smokers Forced To Wear Their Lungs As A Hat
SMOKERS are to be forced to walk around wearing their lungs on their head, under tough new government rules.
Your Vagina Is Not A Kitchen, Women Told
WOMEN who want to redesign their front bottom were last night reminded that it's not actually a kitchen.
Women Blame Nightmares On Rectal Gas
SLEEPING next to 18 stone of relentlessly guffing middle-aged water buffalo can cause nightmares, research suggests.
Everyone Dead By Teatime
THE greatest experiment in the history of physics will begin this morning, followed shortly after by your horrifyingly painful death.
Rubbing Groin And Staring Boosts Sex Appeal
RUBBING your groin and inner thigh while staring at women makes you more sexually attractive, according to a new study.
Obeying Chris Moyles Now Number One Cause Of Hospital Admissions
DOING everything Chris Moyles tells you to do is now the UK's biggest cause of accident and emergency cases.
David Duchovny Has His Cake And Shags It
X-FILES star David Duchovny last night became the latest Hollywood star to have sex with countless women and then claim he was not right in the head.
A Plate Of Cancer Please, Says Britain
BRITAIN sat down this morning and ordered itself a huge plate of fried cancer with mushrooms and baked beans.