Health

People Who Snore Are Just Being Shits, Say Docs

A STUDY of habitual snorers has found that they do it just to be a right pain in the arse.

Drunk People Sleeping Like Babies

DRUNK people sleep so well they are often late for work, experts have claimed.

British children now 92% ham

MOST British children under the age of 12 now consist mainly of ham, according to a leading health charity.

Tories To Launch Embarrassing Rashbook

A CONSERVATIVE government will set up a social networking site so that we can all read about each other's embarrassing diseases.

Ban IVF Treatment For The Ghastly, Say Experts

THE NHS should stop helping horrid, ghastly people to have babies, according to a new report.

...oh And By The Way, There's Plague In China

THREE people in China have died from the plague, if anyone's interested, the World Health Organisation said last night.

Fat People Unable To Count To Two, Say Experts

FAT people will automatically lose weight if manufacturers reduce the size of chocolate bars, according to the Food Standards Agency.

 

New Crackdown On Orange People

BRITAIN'S orange people are to be banned from enclosed public places under tough new laws, it emerged last night.