Health

Feral Nurses To Be Culled

FERAL packs of surplus nurses are to be culled by NHS managers.

Hunt For Swine Flu Vaccine Receipt Intensifies

GOVERNMENT health officials say the receipt for 30 million useless swine flu vaccines is definitely around somewhere.

Male Sex Addicts Cured By 'Mamma Mia!'

MALE sex addicts are being cured of their impulsive desire for women by watching the smash hit musical Mamma Mia!

Masterchef Upgraded To Class B Drug

THE tedious but powerfully addictive BBC cooking series Masterchef is to be upgraded to a class B controlled substance, it emerged last night.

Chunky Children Ever So Jolly

OVERWEIGHT children are three times more likely to be jolly than their slender counterparts, according to new research.

Parliament Emitting Angry Purple Aura, Say Homeopaths

MEMBERS of Parliament who criticised homeopathy have badly knotted chakras and are emitting an unhealthy purple aura, it was claimed last night.

BBC To Offer More Crone-Based Programming

HAGS and crones will take centre stage in the BBC's spring schedule as the corporation announces a big increase in witch-themed programming.

Typical Lunch Box More Nutritious Than Its Contents

THE average school lunch box now contains at least three items that, technically, are not food, according to a new survey.