THERE were fresh concerns about Britain last night after officials found it necessary to remind fully-grown humans to wash their hands after going to the lavatory.
HAVING a mobile phone strapped to your head will produce money-making
brain vitamins, investment bankers were assured last night.
ACUPUNCTURE has been shown to be extremely effective amongst people who have nothing wrong with them.
BRITAIN'S accident and emergency units were in party mode last night, celebrating a seven-figure landmark in the number of semi-comatose people having pipes stuck up their noses.
THOUSANDS of women who bought a light brown dress have found that they are still not princesses.
PEOPLE who believe they are intolerant to certain foods have been advised to stop going on about it.
PEOPLE are drinking more to distract themselves from constantly worrying about cancer.
DOCTORS have rejected an opportunity to make more money, it has emerged.