Health

Fewer Doctors Needed To Treat More Patients, Claims Report

THE fewer NHS doctors and nurses you have the more patients you can treat, according to a government commissioned report.

New NHS Reforms To Be Led By Characters From Streetfighter 2

THE ailing NHS is to be kicked into shape using an array of characters from Street-Fighter 2, it was confirmed last night.

People Who Snore Are Just Being Shits, Say Docs

A STUDY of habitual snorers has found that they do it just to be a right pain in the arse.

Drunk People Sleeping Like Babies

DRUNK people sleep so well they are often late for work, experts have claimed.

British children now 92% ham

MOST British children under the age of 12 now consist mainly of ham, according to a leading health charity.

Tories To Launch Embarrassing Rashbook

A CONSERVATIVE government will set up a social networking site so that we can all read about each other's embarrassing diseases.

Ban IVF Treatment For The Ghastly, Say Experts

THE NHS should stop helping horrid, ghastly people to have babies, according to a new report.

...oh And By The Way, There's Plague In China

THREE people in China have died from the plague, if anyone's interested, the World Health Organisation said last night.