Health

British children now 92% ham

MOST British children under the age of 12 now consist mainly of ham, according to a leading health charity.

Tories To Launch Embarrassing Rashbook

A CONSERVATIVE government will set up a social networking site so that we can all read about each other's embarrassing diseases.

Ban IVF Treatment For The Ghastly, Say Experts

THE NHS should stop helping horrid, ghastly people to have babies, according to a new report.

...oh And By The Way, There's Plague In China

THREE people in China have died from the plague, if anyone's interested, the World Health Organisation said last night.

Fat People Unable To Count To Two, Say Experts

FAT people will automatically lose weight if manufacturers reduce the size of chocolate bars, according to the Food Standards Agency.

 

New Crackdown On Orange People

BRITAIN'S orange people are to be banned from enclosed public places under tough new laws, it emerged last night.

Huge Increase In People Who Have Totally Got Swine Flu

THE number of people who have totally got that swine flu thing is set to explode over the next few days, it was claimed last night.

Concern Grows Over Lack Of Panic

CONCERN was growing last night that the British public is not freaking out quite as much as it was supposed to.