PEOPLE with colds who claim to have the flu have been reminded that the two things are entirely f*cking different.
A WOMAN who has embarked on a new diet is already seeing her social engagements dramatically slimmed down.
A MAN has given his girlfriend a satisfactory massage completely by chance.
THE operator of Britain’s only privately-run NHS hospital has admitted that it is struggling to make enough money out of human misery.
DOCTORS advising against binge-watching high-quality US dramas have introduced a limit of 21 units a week, or 18 for women.
ACCIDENT and emergency waiting times have worsened because Britain is so full of cretins, experts have confirmed.
'TAKING a month off' is allowing moderate drinkers to experience a thrilling pretend struggle with alcohol, it has emerged.
THE average life expectancy has increased by six bitter, ignorant years since 1990, researchers have found.