So I guess we’re staying out now, says third pint

A MAN’S third pint explained in a friendly but firm voice that he would be staying out for the rest of the evening, it has emerged.

Hedgerows taste better than kale, say people who eat a lot of kale

A PLATEFUL of shrubbery tastes nicer than the ‘superfood’ kale, according to people who eat a large amount of kale.

Everyone secretly addicted to 35p non-brand energy drinks

EVERYONE in Britain is secretly drinking 15-20 cans of cheap, unbranded energy drinks a day, it has been confirmed.

Child watching sister’s birth not sure if this really counts as a treat

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.

Gluten tastes delicious

GLUTEN is the magic ingredient that makes everything from bread to biscuits taste delicious, research has confirmed.

Big-hearted man would be pregnant for a week

A FATHER-TO-BE would love to share the highs and lows of pregnancy by being pregnant for a whole week, he has revealed.

Please, please stop us drinking beer in airports at 6am, say Britons

BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.

Office workers advised to run away

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.