Health

Health benefits of misery ‘suggests people from Yorkshire should be immortal’

SCIENTISTS who discovered that being unhappy could be healthy have admitted that people from Yorkshire should live for ever.

All doctors smoke

ALL doctors smoke fags, it has been confirmed.

Barefoot running just the sort of mental thing we wanted, say fitness freaks

TRENDY barefoot running is the perfect combination of misery, showing off and pain, according to exercise fanatics.

Woman surprised to still be overweight despite having running app

DOWNLOADING an exercise app is not the same as actually doing exercise, it has been confirmed.

Mars bars recalled because they help you do f**k all

MARS bars have been recalled across Europe following the discovery they help consumers to do nothing except become fatter.

Britain finds curved croissants sexually confusing

THE UK has admitted that it finds curved croissants too sexually ambiguous to eat.  

Massive sickly drink with shitloads of marshmallows found to contain sugar

THOSE incredibly sickly drinks you like have sugar in them, it has emerged.

Highlight of non-drinker’s life is soup

A NON-DRINKER’S most enjoyable sensory experience is a bowl of soup, he has revealed.