Health

Ketamine 'works like ITV2'

RECREATIONAL mule tranquiliser ketamine affects the mind in a similar way to programmes about Peter Andre, experts have claimed.

Britain wakes up to find hospitals missing

BRITAIN'S hospitals have been replaced by massive holes in the ground, it has emerged.

Thing is, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow, say doctors

YOU never know what's going to happen so you might as well eat a load of crisps, doctors said last night.

Bumping off elderly relatives easier than ever

MURDERING an ageing relative has never been simpler, it was confirmed last night.

Celebrity culture making women feel insufficiently stupid

WOMAN are being pressurised into emulating unrealistic levels of brainless folly, according to a new report.

NHS to be reformed merely for the sake of it

THE government has backed down on ideologically-driven changes to the NHS and will now overhaul the health service 'because'.

Reading Discworld backwards 'makes you want to kill yourself'

READING Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld saga back to front makes you want to commit suicide, supporters of unbearable pain said last night.

Sex addiction linked to being a wealthy middle-aged man

SCIENTISTS believe they are closer to curing sex addiction after identifying an unusually high incidence among rich, ageing men.