Goading crocodiles every day 'makes you thinner'

PEOPLE who goad crocodiles for 30 minutes a day tend to weigh less than those who do not, according to new research.

Is it too late to give the Queen Mother an aspirin?

DOCTORS are under renewed pressure to give aspirin to the Queen Mother.

Diet industry and homeopaths to collaborate on biggest load of bollocks ever

TWO of Britain's biggest industries have teamed up to create 'dietopathy'.

Fat people and smokers pay invisible taxes

THE tax and national insurance paid by smokers and the obese is completely invisible, it has been confirmed.

JK Rowling to rewrite NHS bill

THE government's flagship NHS bill is to be rewritten for adults by JK Rowling.

GP prescribes ecstasy to miserable twat

A POST office worker from Kings Lynn has been prescribed ecstasy to stop him complaining about everything.

Call for consensus on how to destroy the NHS

MPs must stop using the National Health Service as a political football so that it can be destroyed once and for all, it has been claimed.

Women offered chance to give birth anally

WOMEN in the UK will soon have the option to give birth anally, as part of the NHS reform bill.