'Party hat killed my daughter'

PARENTS of tragic teenager Nikki Hollis have called on party hat manufacturers to stop their evil trade.

Hangover mocks your feeble 'cures'

YOU shall not banish me with your so-called remedies, says your hangover.

Clothes ban to combat obesity

AMERICA has begun rolling out a clothes ban in a bid to tackle over-eating.

You need five months solid sleep for peak performance, say bears

SLEEPING solidly for around 150 days is the key to feeling on top, according to ursine sleep experts.

Junk food to come in immensely heavy packaging

IN a bid to encourage exercise, calorific food must now be sold in packaging that weighs at least 30kg.

Government hoping you die soon

WITH death rates at their lowest ever level, the government is encouraging you to die.