FERAL packs of surplus nurses are to be culled by NHS managers.
GOVERNMENT health officials say the receipt for 30 million useless swine flu vaccines is definitely around somewhere.
MALE sex addicts are being cured of their impulsive desire for women by watching the smash hit musical Mamma Mia!
THE tedious but powerfully addictive BBC cooking series Masterchef is to be upgraded to a class B controlled substance, it emerged last night.
OVERWEIGHT children are three times more likely to be jolly than their slender counterparts, according to new research.
MEMBERS of Parliament who criticised homeopathy have badly knotted chakras and are emitting an unhealthy purple aura, it was claimed last night.
HAGS and crones will take centre stage in the BBC's spring schedule as the corporation announces a big increase in witch-themed programming.