Health

Jodie Marsh, Women Warned

AS the rate of skin cancer increases amongst young women, doctors have called for a nationwide information campaign starring creosoted glamour model Jodie Marsh.

Depressed Welsh Patients Prescribed Severn Bridge


DOCTORS in Wales are being urged to treat depression with a strong dose of the Severn Bridge.

Therapists Offer To Reduce Gayness To Weekends Only

MOST therapists claim they can help homosexuals to restrict their gayness to weekends only, according to new research.

Smokers To Be Offered Ice Lollies And Cartoons

SMOKERS who quit the habit will be rewarded with ice lollies, extra cartoons and may even be allowed to stay up after 9pm.

Put A Bible Over Your Penis, Says Pope

POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.

Stafford Hospital Still Better Than Homeopathy

AN NHS hospital which used untrained receptionists to treat patients still performed better than homeopathy, research shows.

Chief Medical Officer Denies Links To Skunk Industry

BRITAIN'S chief medical officer was last night forced to deny links to the international skunk trade after calling for the price of alcohol to be doubled.

Is It Time To Tax The Shit Out Of Doctors?

DOCTORS should be taxed every time they open their fat, smug, overpaid mouths, it was claimed last night.