Baldness anxiety cured by not giving a shit

MALE hair loss-related anxiety can be cured by growing a pair of balls and getting on with it, it has emerged.

Blowjobs great for everyone

BLOWJOBS are the answer to all problems according to a new scientific study which every man in the Western world has circled in red in the Metro and presented eagerly to his partner.

NHS to export death in a corridor

MARKETING consultants are to sell NHS neglect to foreign countries.

Golf clubs besieged by sick people

AS the doctors' strike begins, thousands of sick people have descended on their GP's natural habitat, the golf course.

Sperm love to party down

SPERM actively enjoy alcohol and cigarettes, it has emerged.

Sober Britons risk dangerous levels of clarity

DOCTORS have warned that millions of sober people are unprepared for the full horror of modern Britain.

Really wanting a kebab not an emergency, Britain told

BRITONS have been reminded that having a strong desire for spicy meat is not a reason to dial 999.

No word for autism in Danish

BBC4 viewers have called on Scandinavia to incorporate its dysfunctional policewomen into the autistic spectrum.