Most people still think organs might be handy after death

THE majority of potential organ donors would prefer to keep hold of their body parts until they are fully decomposed, just in case.

Fury as EU stops three year-old from choking

THE European Union has been accused of nanny state meddling after giving the Heimlich manoeuvre to a three year-old.

Cameron to cut deficit with dodgy ham

DAVID Cameron is to cut the deficit by removing at least 30% of Britain with catastrophically out-of-date pork products.

Scientists discover the risible excuse gene

RESEARCHERS have isolated the strand of DNA responsible for people denying responsibility for anything.

Sanctimonious tools live longer

LOOKING down your nose at normal people can add 10 years to your life, say researchers.

New hormone test offers married men timetable of misery

FEMALE hormone tests can now accurately predict the rate at which a man's life will fall to bits.

Childhood eating disorders may be caused by shit food, say experts

CHILDHOOD eating disorders may be caused by giving them plate after plate of food that is just shit, experts have claimed.

Ketamine 'works like ITV2'

RECREATIONAL mule tranquiliser ketamine affects the mind in a similar way to programmes about Peter Andre, experts have claimed.