Health

Smokers Urge Gates To Produce Software That Actually Fucking Works

SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.

Alcohol To Carry 'Shitfaced' Warning

BOTTLES and cans of alcohol are to carry labels warning consumers they could end up shitfaced.

New Prostate Cancer Drug Not As Good As 'The Wire'

A NEW prostate cancer drug which could save thousands of lives is still not as good as The Wire, critics said last night.

Teenagers Urged To Sponge Groins After Sex

TEENAGERS are being urged to sponge themselves thoroughly following a sharp increase in young person's sex diseases.

Government Addicted To Painkillers, Say Docs

THE British government is in the grip of a chronic addiction to prescription painkillers, experts claimed last night.

Acupuncture Good For Covering Body In Tiny Holes, Says Study

ACUPUNCTURE is extremely effective at making tiny holes all over the body, the biggest ever study of the ancient Chinese remedy has revealed. 

Bearded Lady Gives Birth

CIRCUSES across the world were celebrating last night after a bearded lady give birth to a baby girl.

Winehouse Pays Price For Years Down Pit

AMY Winehouse has blamed her emphysema on years of working as a coal miner in South Wales, her father Mitch revealed last night.