BRITAIN sat down this morning and ordered itself a huge plate of fried cancer with mushrooms and baked beans.
THE department of health last night grudgingly agreed to stop people going blind for no reason.
A FIRM which claims its bottled water can help with weight loss has been told to stop filling it with the ebola virus.
CELEBRITY chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been foiled in his bid to kill the entire readership of Healthy & Organic Living magazine.
PARENTS of fat children are to be sent sketches of their overweight kids after the government banned schools from describing them as obese.
TALKING to yourself and walking around the house in the nude does not mean you are insane, elderly single people said last night.
ANGRY parents are demanding compensation after an obesity gene made them feed their children until they popped.
SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.