Health

Bearded Lady Gives Birth

CIRCUSES across the world were celebrating last night after a bearded lady give birth to a baby girl.

Winehouse Pays Price For Years Down Pit

AMY Winehouse has blamed her emphysema on years of working as a coal miner in South Wales, her father Mitch revealed last night. 

Lesbians Doing It Wrong, Claim Docs

AN increase in health complaints among lesbians suggests they may be doing it wrong, the British Medical Association said last night.

Alcohol Cravings Reduced By Alcohol, Says Alcoholic

CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night. 

Britain Settles For Bad Teeth

BRITAIN has given up on dental appointments and decided to settle for having quite bad teeth, according to a new report.

Shut up, say experts

PEOPLE who experience traumatic events should just shut up, researchers said last night.

Fern Launches 'Whip Your Guts Out' Diet Plan

FERN Britton has launched a new weight loss programme based on a strict combination of fruit, pilates and six hours of major abdominal surgery.

Statins Free Up Time For Golf, Say Docs

STATINS are a wonder drug which allow doctors to spend an extra three afternoons a week on the golf course, the British Medical Association said last night.