Health

Lesbians Doing It Wrong, Claim Docs

AN increase in health complaints among lesbians suggests they may be doing it wrong, the British Medical Association said last night.

Alcohol Cravings Reduced By Alcohol, Says Alcoholic

CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night. 

Britain Settles For Bad Teeth

BRITAIN has given up on dental appointments and decided to settle for having quite bad teeth, according to a new report.

Shut up, say experts

PEOPLE who experience traumatic events should just shut up, researchers said last night.

Fern Launches 'Whip Your Guts Out' Diet Plan

FERN Britton has launched a new weight loss programme based on a strict combination of fruit, pilates and six hours of major abdominal surgery.

Statins Free Up Time For Golf, Say Docs

STATINS are a wonder drug which allow doctors to spend an extra three afternoons a week on the golf course, the British Medical Association said last night.

Britain Falls Into A Hedge

EVERYONE in Britain has had to go to hospital in the last 12 months after falling into a hedge on the way home.

Listening To Sting Makes Wine Taste Like Tramp’s Piss

LISTENING to any record by Sting while drinking wine will make even the finest vintage taste like rancid tramp's urine, research reveals.