Health

Everyone To Be Fitted With A Zip

EVERYONE is to be fitted with a zip as part of Gordon Brown’s plan to nationalise Britain’s kidneys.

Most Men Still Addicted To Sex With Themselves, Say Docs

THE number of men addicted to sex with themselves is just about the same as it has always been, a new study reveals. 

Living In A Big Glass Tube Can Add 40 Years To Your Life, Say Experts

ABANDONING your job, your family and the outside world in favour of a big glass tube can extend your life expectancy by decades, according to a new study.

Traditional Light Bulbs Are A Superfood, Says PR Company

TRADITIONAL lightbulbs are a healthy and nutritious superfood rich in riboflavin and better for you than broccoli, the traditional light bulb industry revealed last night. 

Smokers More Likely To Be Eaten By Dragons

SMOKERS are nearly five times more likely to be eaten by dragons than non-smokers, a new study suggests. 

Britain Explodes At Both Ends

BRITAIN exploded at both ends last night as the latest gastric superbug lit up the nation's bathrooms.

Total Darkness Link To Blinding Headaches

WANDERING around your house in total darkness is the single biggest cause of serious headaches, a new study has revealed.

Britain Signs Up For Vorderman's 28-Day Piss-Drink Detox

AS millions of Britons begin their New Year detox, a record number of health conscious consumers are signing up for a month-long regime of drinking their own urine.