PATIENTS who are given artificial hearts will lose their soul, doctors admitted last night.
NEW doctors are to be trained how to spot death, the department of health announced yesterday.
SCHOOLS across England and Wales have been reminded not to serve tomato ketchup as a main course.
SMOKERS are to be forced to walk around wearing their lungs on their head, under tough new government rules.
WOMEN who want to redesign their front bottom were last night reminded that it's not actually a kitchen.
SLEEPING next to 18 stone of relentlessly guffing middle-aged water buffalo can cause nightmares, research suggests.
THE greatest experiment in the history of physics will begin this morning, followed shortly after by your horrifyingly painful death.
RUBBING your groin and inner thigh while staring at women makes you more sexually attractive, according to a new study.