Health

Non-smokers’ lungs look disgusting too

LUNGS look horrible regardless of whether their owner smokes, it has emerged.

Millions of Britons making extra money as mucus factories

ACROSS the UK, millions of people are earning second incomes by turning their bodies into 24-hour mucus production facilities.

Minimalist cigarette packets make smoking cool again

THE government's contemporary plain packaging for cigarettes has made them desirable once again.

Colds and flu not even vaguely similar

PEOPLE with colds who claim to have the flu have been reminded that the two things are entirely f*cking different.

Dieter has already lost one and a half friends since start of January

A WOMAN who has embarked on a new diet is already seeing her social engagements dramatically slimmed down.

Boyfriend gets massage right by total accident

A MAN has given his girlfriend a satisfactory massage completely by chance.

Human suffering not profitable enough

THE operator of Britain’s only privately-run NHS hospital has admitted that it is struggling to make enough money out of human misery.

Binge-watchers limited to 21 units of US drama a week

DOCTORS advising against binge-watching high-quality US dramas have introduced a limit of 21 units a week, or 18 for women.