Health

A & E introduces leech tier

A & E DEPARTMENTS are to offer an 'express tier' of medieval-style leech treatment.

Healthy breakfast eater’s life still shit

OFFICE worker Tom Logan’s life is still shit despite him eating a nutritious breakfast every day.

Cold carriers face legal action

ANYONE catching a cold can sue the person who gave it to them, according to an EU ruling.

Only unappealing 'own brand' fizzy drinks allowed on sale

FIZZY drinks must be drab 'own brand' versions, under new plans to cut child obesity.

'Trick or treat' supplies already eaten

BRITONS have already eaten the massive amount of sweets they ostensibly bought for trick or treaters.

Workers advised to get a sickie in about now

WORKERS have been advised to squeeze in some fraudulent sick leave in before the end of October.

Dreams either obvious or idiotic

DREAMS have no hidden meanings, it has emerged.

91% of hangovers blamed on beer being somehow faulty

MOST hangovers are wrongly blamed on beer that is contaminated.