Health

Tonight the perfect night to do E, confirm doctors

DOCTORS have recommended dropping ecstacy this evening to leave yourself plenty of time for a leisurely recovery.

Cyclists handed yet another reason to think they’re better than you

THE news that cycling cuts the risk of cancer by half has given cyclists another reason to be insufferably smug, it has emerged.

Man deeply disillusioned with state of world may just be hungry

A 27-YEAR-OLD man is either in profound despair over the chaos, injustice and insanity of the world today, or just hungry.

Woman unsure if she is meditating or just bored

A WOMAN who recently took up meditation cannot tell if she has reached a higher spiritual plane or is just incredibly bored.

Office worker doesn't like to measure her coffee intake in pints

AN OFFICE worker has announced that she would rather not consider the amount of coffee she drinks in pints because it would sound rather grim.

Supermarket shoppers baffled by basic hygiene

SUPERMARKET customers cannot grasp hygiene concepts such as not manhandling bread then putting it back on the shelf, it has emerged.

Man goes to doctor instead of looking it up on internet

A MAN who thinks he is unwell has gone to the doctor instead of typing his symptoms into Google.

Playgrounds to become thrillingly dangerous again

CHILDREN can once again crack their heads open on concrete while swinging on rusted metal bars when the UK scraps EU protection laws.