If there was one 'weird trick' to weight loss we would tell you, confirm doctors

DOCTORS have clarified that if there was ‘one weird trick’ to weight loss they would not hate it and would definitely tell you.

Idiot dogs told to insure themselves

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.

Girlfriends demand more spots to squeeze

BRITAIN’S girlfriends are demanding that their partners get more spots and then allow them to squeeze them.

Health benefits of misery ‘suggests people from Yorkshire should be immortal’

SCIENTISTS who discovered that being unhappy could be healthy have admitted that people from Yorkshire should live for ever.

All doctors smoke

ALL doctors smoke fags, it has been confirmed.

Barefoot running just the sort of mental thing we wanted, say fitness freaks

TRENDY barefoot running is the perfect combination of misery, showing off and pain, according to exercise fanatics.

Woman surprised to still be overweight despite having running app

DOWNLOADING an exercise app is not the same as actually doing exercise, it has been confirmed.

Mars bars recalled because they help you do f**k all

MARS bars have been recalled across Europe following the discovery they help consumers to do nothing except become fatter.