EVERYONE in Britain is secretly drinking 15-20 cans of cheap, unbranded energy drinks a day, it has been confirmed.
AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.
GLUTEN is the magic ingredient that makes everything from bread to biscuits taste delicious, research has confirmed.
A FATHER-TO-BE would love to share the highs and lows of pregnancy by being pregnant for a whole week, he has revealed.
BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.
UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.
STUDENT nurses are to be recruited from the society pages of Tatler after the withdrawal of bursaries.
JEREMY Hunt will remain as Health Secretary because the prime minister is a misanthropic lunatic, it has been confirmed.