Health

Everyone secretly addicted to 35p non-brand energy drinks

EVERYONE in Britain is secretly drinking 15-20 cans of cheap, unbranded energy drinks a day, it has been confirmed.

Child watching sister’s birth not sure if this really counts as a treat

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.

Gluten tastes delicious

GLUTEN is the magic ingredient that makes everything from bread to biscuits taste delicious, research has confirmed.

Big-hearted man would be pregnant for a week

A FATHER-TO-BE would love to share the highs and lows of pregnancy by being pregnant for a whole week, he has revealed.

Please, please stop us drinking beer in airports at 6am, say Britons

BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.

Office workers advised to run away

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.

NHS to recruit debutante heiress nurses

STUDENT nurses are to be recruited from the society pages of Tatler after the withdrawal of bursaries.

Hunt stays as Health Secretary after May decides she hates everyone in Britain

JEREMY Hunt will remain as Health Secretary because the prime minister is a misanthropic lunatic, it has been confirmed.