Health

Government adding cocaine to tap water

HUGE amounts of cocaine are being added to the water supply in a bid to make the population more productive.

No way tobacco product might turn out to be harmful

'HARMLESS' tobacco products are never revealed to be bad for users, according to electronic cigarette makers.

Mango shortage puts middle-class kids in danger of real sweets

CHILDREN of twee parents risk tasting refined sugar for the first time as Britain is hit by a mango shortage.

Homeopathy replaced by fagsopathy

FORMER homeopathic doctors are offering a new treatment where patients smoke a lot of cigarettes.

Waitrose coffee 'nauseatingly middle class'

WAITROSE cafe customers have fallen ill after drinking coffee contaminated with bourgeois values.

Heavy drinkers to get new livers so Britain doesn’t run out of people

THE NHS is to ease the rules on liver transplants so that Britain will still have enough people.

Smoking ban undermined by people sucking things

ANTI-SMOKING campaigners have called for a ban on anything that can be sucked.

Vegetables are good for you, say experts

FOOD scientists have turned nutrition on its head by claiming that eating vegetables may be a good idea.