Health

Property Value More Important Than My Kids, Say 92% Of Homeowners

HOMEOWNERS in the UK are more interested in the value of their house than in the fate of their own children, according to a new survey.

Disney To Ban Patio Heaters

ENTERTAINMENT giant Disney is to remove all images of patio heaters from its films.

Obesity Caused By 'Infected Buns'

FATNESS is contagious and can be caught from contaminated cakes, buns and sausages, according to new research.

Childline Tells Potter Fans To F*ck Off

CHILDLINE, the charity for abused children, will tell distraught Harry Potter fans, upset at the ending of the final book, to 'fuck right off'.

Cannabis Users Face Grooviness Test

FROM next April all potential users of cannabis will have to sit a government-approved grooviness test.

'C' Branded World's Most Pathetic Vitamin

VITAMIN C has been relegated from the premier league of nutritional compounds after another scathing attack on its performance.

British Doctors To Buy Their Own Country

THE collective wealth of Britain's doctors is now so vast that they have clubbed together to buy Croatia.

Bomb Doctors Struck Off For Working Saturdays

FOREIGN bomb doctors have brought "disgrace" on their profession by breaching rules on out of hours work, according to the British Medical Association.